She was just
a child, a little girl moving between the age of toddler and little girl. Her long curly hair falling down her back
like the wings of an angel, she had always moved through life with a curiosity
and yet a sense of shyness, looking towards her father with both a request for
approval and protection. He had always
been there, loving and caring for her, nurturing her curiosity and encouraging
her to move from the shadows of the shyness by offering her a safety net, a
place in his arms that she could run to and find solace.
It was a
day, just another day when things changed for her, things that would forever
shift the balance of her life and land her in the middle of something that no
child should ever have to experience. An
argument between her parents ended with her sitting in the back of a car,
looking out at her daddy as she pulled away, tears streaming down her
face. The day that changed her future,
his future and pulled them apart, added distance to each of their lives. He couldn’t run after her, protect her that
day for the damage had already been done and he knew that the argument was only
the beginning of what they were both about to endure.
One battle
after another, one fight into the next he would struggle to see the little one,
be forced to watch her grow from a distance.
Some days he would see her try to smile, and some days there would be
tears hidden behind a face bent on being emotionless and yet he tried to find a
way to show the little one the same safety she had felt years earlier. He had never failed her, given up on her or
stopped hoping for a time when she would again trust him not to leave her. He knew he couldn’t explain his absence to
her, that she was too young to understand it all, that if he did it would only
serve to hurt her more and that was the last thing that he wanted for the one
thing that was the most precious to him, to have his little girl with the angel
wing hair to hurt more, to feel pain. It
was after all, his job as her daddy to protect her from all of this, from being
hurt or feeling pain.
It was that
need to protect his little girl that gave him the courage to do for her the
most painful thing that he had ever done, to end the battle for his child and
let her live in peace. In doing so he
knew that he would never have peace himself, that he would forever miss her,
her smile and her laugh, he knew that his heart would have a void that could
never be filled and yet he had hope. It
was a hope that someday the world would be set upright again and that she would
find her way back to him, her heart filled with the love he had given her
through the years before she was taken.
That she would understand and forgive him and that he would be able to
sit with her, look into her eyes and see himself through her memories.
He still
waits for that day to come, silently sometimes and deep in thought. He gazes at her picture daily, talks to her,
and even though he knows she cannot hear the words he hopes that she feels them
in her heart, someplace deep within her.
He looks around him, everywhere, hoping that every dark haired girl is
her, that a hand will reach out and touch his shoulder saying the words he
longs to hear……..”Dad, its me.”
“The love of a parent for a child is
circular in nature, never ending. It
cannot be broken or altered by distance or adversity and lives within the bond
of the circle.” (me 2013)
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